Blessed Creations

OK God, I'm Finally Listening

2011-12-14T05:24:00.003-06:00

You would think that once I finally have a child, I would be posting about him all the time. Well, everytime I think about blogging, I know there is a something I am supposed to post about, and I just don't want to do it. It is very personal feelings, but I feel that God is wanting me to share this. So, I hope it touches the right person.
When the adoption in April fell apart, I became VERY bitter. I don't know how other people could stand me, because I couldn't even stand myself. I withdrew from everyone, even God. I didn't want to see or speak to anyone, including Him. I was holding onto that bitterness so strong that when we got Brody, I found it hard to let go and accept the gift that God was giving me. When Brody was brought to us, I was told that he mainly went to men. That first night I was only able to hold him for about 5 minutes, but every man who was here that night was able to hold him. Brody and I have had our issues of him pushing me away. Even now he wants his daddy to put him down, and he will even push me away sometimes when giving him a bath. I have yet to get to hold him during church. He may come to me for a second, but he is right back with his daddy. I want him to want me just as much as I want him. It hurts me so bad when he will literally push on me and cry for his daddy. I know he loves me, because he doesn't always do this, but for some reason, he will still push me away sometimes. It hit me like a ton of bricks one day, that is how God must feel when I am pushing Him away. He is wanting me to cling to him, all the while I am pushing him away. I have thought for so long that once I become a mother, my life is going to be perfect because that is the one thing I am missing. I was wrong. I have pushed God away, and my life isn't the same without Him. I know God has wanted me to write this for a long time. As much as I have tried, I just couldn't get my relationship right with Him. Even as I am typing this, I am feeling a weight lifting. Until I obeyed Him, things just weren't going to be the same as they were before I became so bitter. No matter what it is in this life that we think will make us complete, including a child, we will never be complete without God in our lives. I pray that whoever is supposed to read this will be helped by this. If I can be of any help to someone, you may just need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me at melindab399@gmail.com.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-23T06:26:00.002-05:00

Eric and I took Brody to a pumpkin patch this weekend. They have a hay ride out to the pumpkins, and along the way they stop to feed some of their animals. I am so thankful God has blessed us with this little boy. It is so wonderful to be able to experience all these new things with him.

The Sounds In My House

2011-09-25T20:49:00.002-05:00

I am lovin' the sounds in my house. Today I was listening to Brody fuss because he wasn't getting his way with his daddy. Then later he was fussing while his daddy gave him a bath. Even the sounds of him fussing can be sweet. I am just so thankful to have the sounds of a child in my house. We have waiting so long for this. I love the sound of his laugh the most. His laugh has changed recently to a laugh that just sounds like it is coming all the way from his gut. I love the sound of his bare feet running across the floor. I love his jabber. He has one jabber that he does a lot, daba daba daaaa. It sounds so sweet when he whispers it. He has really started talking more. Every day he is saying new words. Even if he doesn't speak the words, he is doing better about knowing the difference in shaking his head yes or no. It had mainly been that he would always shake it no. He is good about letting me know when he has messed up his diaper. I can ask him did he T T, and he will shake his head yes. I will ask if he is ready to have his diaper changed, and he will shake his head yes. Yesterday he even patted his belly to get me to come on to change his diaper. He is a big helper feeding the dogs. He does not like for their food bowl to be empty. He will bring me their bowl and once I fill it he will put it back for them. Molly is loving that. He wants to be such a helper. I hope that will last when he gets bigger, but I doubt it will. If he spills something, I can give him a rag, and he will wipe it up. When I ask him to, he will help me put his toys in his toy box.
This Tuesday we will have had him with us for 4 months. I think back to 4 months ago, and I had no idea how my life was about to change. I was still grieving the loss of an adoption that didn't go through in April, not knowing God was about to bless us with Brody. He has been the perfect addition to our family.

Still Hard to Believe

2011-09-15T19:27:00.002-05:00

Even after almost 4 months, it is still hard for me to believe I am a mama. I still just look at him and find it hard to believe that all those years of pain and longing for a child are finally over. He is absolutely wonderful! I am constantly amazed at the things he will do. He is such a smart little thing. He has come such a long way with us. All those insecurities I felt for the first several weeks are finally gone. It took a while, but he has now bonded to me and it just makes my heart melt when he calls me mama. We are so lucky to have been blessed with such a wonderful child.

2 Months

2011-07-27T20:20:00.002-05:00

It is hard to believe it has already been two months since Brody came to be part of our family. Today I was outside playing ball with him, and I looked at him and still find it hard he is my son running around playing in the yard. I am so glad we are finally parents. It has been a long hard journey to get to this point. When I sat down to type, he crawled up in my lap. He has now fallen asleep, curled up against me. These are the most precious moments to me. I posted a while back about my arms being empty, well it feels so good at this very moment to have my arms full.

Updates on Brody

2011-07-10T15:35:00.003-05:00

I am so far behind on blogging, I really don't know where to start. It is still hard for me to believe I am finally a mama. I just look at him sometimes and have to remind myself that he is, and will forever be my son. I remember thinking that I can't wait to be on the other side of the pain of no children. It is so surreal to have that need filled. I still long to experience all the stuff involved with a baby, but hopefully I will get to experience that one day.
Brody is into everything. He especially likes putting things in the toilet and the dogs water bowl. This morning I found my book, my shorts, and my shirt in the toilet. He has even thrown his binky in the toilet. UGH!!!!
He had another ear infection a few weeks ago, and we have finally gotten him tubes in his ears. I found out he has had 9 ear infections since November. The first few weeks we had him, his chest was so congested. We said he sounded like a cat purring. Thankfully all that has been cleared up. He immediately started walking better after the tubes. He hasn't really started talking any more than he was, but he is making more sounds with his jabbering. He has even picked up a new sound from daddy. You know how guys do that thing of clearing out the junk in their throat? Well, Brody heard Eric do that one day when he was getting his shower, and he has started making that sound. I can't help but laugh, cause it is so cute when he does it. Eric, not so much, it is just gross when he does it.
Last Friday we left for our vacation. We had to go to his follow up appointment for his tubes, then we went to Middendorf's in Manchac, LA. Anyone in the area knows how good this place is. We then cut across to the MS gulf coast. He loved the beach there. It was his first time to see the gulf. The water isn't pretty there, but he liked it just fine. I will try to post video later. The next day we went on over to Orange Beach, AL. When we took him down to the water there, he didn't like it as much because the waves were much bigger. The water there is so pretty. He did get used to it, and had a great time playing in the sand.
Brody is still clinging to men when they are around, especially the grandfathers. He is fine with me when it is just the three of us, but when the grandfathers are there, he doesn't want anything to do with me. We spent our vacation with Eric's family. Both his parents, his aunt Pat from Ohio, his brother Mike, his two boys, and Mike's fiance' Tracy. Brody wanted to cling to grandpa the whole time. On one hand, it was kind of nice to get a little bit of a break since I have had him with me the whole time since we got him. However, it really hurt my feelings that he didn't want to have anything to do with me. I know this is probably part of the stage he is in right now, but it really makes it more difficult to still be trying to bond with him, and he doesn't want me at all.
Despite the hurdles we have to get through, and the mischief he is getting into, I couldn't be more thankful for my son. He has brought such joy to my life. I am quickly finding out how difficult parenting can be, but no matter how difficult it may be at times, I wouldn't trade him for the world. He is such a sweet natured little boy. It is so cute when I call the dogs to go outside, I will pat my leg to encourage them to come on, and Brody will pat his little belly. I can say no-no Hannah or no-no Molly, and he will grunt a no-no and point his little finger at them. Right now while I am typing, he is just as content as he can be sitting and playing in their dog pen. I have to laugh when I am trying to get him down at night, and I will think he is finally starting to go to sleep, he will pop his little head up and get right in my face and say "HEY!" He still isn't giving sugar. The closes I can get is to put his binky in my mouth backwards, and he will come up to me to take it out of my mouth with his mouth. I just love seeing that little face coming up to mine with his little mouth wide open. I can't wait for the day he will actually give sugar.
Here are a couple of pictures from our trip to the beach...

My First Week as a Mom

2011-06-09T03:23:00.006-05:00

OK, so I know I'm a little late in posting my first week as a mom, but hey, I am a new mom to a little man on the move. That is also why it is after 3 a. m. and I am writing this post. I have already found you have to do things whenever you can steal a moment.
As I mentioned before, things happened really fast once we got the call about Brody. They called at around 4:30 in the afternoon, and they had him at our house at around 7:30 that night. It also took about an hour for me to ever get in touch with Eric to tell him the news. I was about a nervous wreck by the time he finally called me back. He said his phone was literally hot because I had been calling so much. My first thought, other than trying to get in touch with Eric, was I have got to get home to straighten up. I was running around like a mad person. That was probably the best work out I've had in a while. I don't know that I have ever cleaned that fast. I'm really embarrassed to admit it, but for the first 24 hours I freaked out. That is NOT the reaction I expected to have when we finally became parents. I had always thought I wanted what they call a "drop in the lap" situation. You get the call and boom, here's your child. I'm a planner. A planer's mind just doesn't work that way, no matter how much you may think you can handle it. I had so many emotions going on that my mind was on overload. Since things fell through with the baby in April, my relationship with God has been strained, to say the least. I have had a lot of bitterness, and in this moment of getting the call about Brody, I really needed to be praying about it, but just struggled with that after the way I had acted toward God. I felt I had slapped him in the face and it was too hard to turn to him after the way I acted. I know God doesn't work that way, he forgives, but I was just finding it hard to ask for forgiveness. I was also struggling with the fact that my child was not coming in the way I had always dreamed about. I had my heart set on getting a newborn, and I was a bit disappointed to not be able experience a baby.
Brody is immediately drawn to men. It really was heartbreaking for me that he wouldn't come to me at first. In fact, I was only able to hold him once that first night. That Saturday morning I had to tell Eric to leave the room so that Brody would have to let me help him. We played a few minutes, and he has been fine with me since then. All three of us played and learned about each other that morning. We quickly learned that Brody loves hats, and loves to take a man's hat off his head and pass it back and forth. By lunch time I was freaking out about what to feed him. Eric and I have been dieting, so I really didn't have much to choose from to feed him. That afternoon my friend Susan went shopping with me to get stuff for Brody. I learned very quickly about taking a toddler shopping hungry and without a nap. I just so wasn't able to think clearly or I would have at least gotten him some chicken nuggets or something at the McDonald's in Wal-Mart. At one point Susan even commented that I looked stressed. I was on mental overload. I had just gotten this child that is already on the move, I was trying to make sure we got everything we need, he was fussy, and it was all getting to me. If it weren't for Susan, I don't know how I would have made it through that shopping trip. She was able to think of getting things I just wouldn't have thought of.
On Sunday I was finally starting to calm down and start enjoying the moment. We took Brody to meet his great-grandmothers, my mom and dad, and aunts, uncles, and cousins. We had a good trip, and he was able to nap going down there and coming back home.
That Monday morning we tried to surprise some friends by just showing up with him, but when I called to see about coming over to "bring them something", they got suspicious and saw where some people had congratulated us on facebook. I finally made the announcement on facebook that day, and I really enjoyed getting all the comments and messages from everyone.
Each day we have seen Brody open up to us more and more. At first the only thing he would say is Uh-oh. We were shocked when we were outside and he saw someone and waved and said hey.
On Friday Eric's mom brought over a high chair. Oh my, that thing is awesome. I can now clean the kitchen without having Brody right under my feet or worrying about what he may be getting into. That morning Eric's brother also brought over Cody and Gavin to meet Brody. Cody and Brody made fast friends, but I think Gavin may not bee too sure about someone stepping in on his territory.
Before all this happened, and we were anticipating getting a child, I was so naive to think it would all be perfect. I never would have imagined my first reaction would be to freak out. It was too much for me to take in at one time. All this new responsibility, making sure I have the things he needs, learning how to use all these new gadgets (carseat, stroller, breathing machine, etc.) The first week we just were here adjusting to each other. This week I am trying to get him on some sort of schedule. We have had our moments, like bath time, changing diapers, and going down to sleep, but he has brought so much joy into our lives. He has such a silliness about him and a giggle that will melt your heart. He has jabbered a few words here and there, and we have been able to get him to say mama and dada. Just in the last day or so, he will say mama when he needs something. I just thrills me so to hear him say that and actually mean it. I had really begun to doubt that I would ever hear a child call me that.

This is what everyone wants....pictures

2011-06-02T23:24:00.002-05:00

It Finally Happened....I'm a MAMA!!!

2011-05-31T23:16:00.002-05:00

As of Friday night, May 27th, Eric and I became parents to this beautiful little boy. I got the call at 4:27, and they brought him to us at around 7:30. His name is Brody and he is 1 1/2 years old. We are so in love with this little guy. Words cannot express how thankful we are to be his parents.
When they called to tell me about him, they told me to talk it over with Eric and let them know, and if we wanted him, he would be ours that night. Of course, I couldn't get Eric on the phone. It took a whole hour before he ever called me back. I had finally called and asked his brother to go out to where Eric was to tell him to call home. Thankfully Eric called just after Mike had left. I told him he needed to get home because he is going to be a daddy tonight. Needless to say he dropped everything and got home.
We were able to get Eric's parents really good. I called and asked them to come over because Eric needed his dad's help fixing our hot water heater that was leaking. OK, so I told a lie, but it was for a good reason. The look on their faces was priceless. They walked into the living room to see Eric holding Brody. All his mom could say is, "Is this for real?".
Each day he is opening up to us more and more, and we are able to see more of his personality. His laugh just melts my heart. I took him for a walk in his stroller tonight so that daddy could leave to go to work, and he just hummed and jabbered while we were walking. It was the sweetest sounds I've ever heard.
I took him to my work today to show him off. People would ask who he was, and it felt so weird to say he is my son. The first few days it really felt like I was babysitting, but each day it becomes more real that he is my son, and I will get to be his mama for the rest of his life.

More ups and downs

2011-05-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

The last month or so has been an emotional roller coaster, and I am ready to get off of this ride. On March 21st we finally had our money together to make our final payment to Lifetime. I ordered or 50 copies of our profile, and we were on our way. I had called Connie that day to tell her how things were going. (she is with The Village of Hope, the other agency we have been with) We played phone tag, and when I finally was able to talk to her, I just went into the whole spill of what was going on with me. I was so excited to officially begin this journey with Lifetime. Once I had rambled on, she finally asked me if she could tell me what she needed to talk to me about. She told me she had a birth mother who had seen our profile and she had chosen us to adopt her baby boy, who was due at anytime. She told me that when I had called her the first time, the birth mother was right in the middle of looking at our profile. She told the birth mother who was on the phone, and she said that was weird, and Connie said no, that is God because we don't talk on a regular basis. Needless to say I was ecstatic, but I also had reservations since we were at the point of going active with Lifetime. Of course the excitement of getting a baby so soon won out, and all my reservations disappeared. A meeting was set for us to meet the birth mother, and it just happened to be that Sunday, March 27th at 2:00; which just happened to be our 12th anniversary at the exact time we were married. She was very nervous, but we had a very good meeting. We were very comfortable with her and knew we would be able to have a good relationship with her. After what happened before, we decided not to tell everyone, but we would tell a few people close to us. Since it was happening so fast, I called my close circle of friends together that night. I have such great friends that were so willing to drop everything within a moments notice to get together. Once I told them, we were all so happy and excited. I remember thinking, so this is what it feels like to really be happy. Oh but how quickly things can change with adoption. While we were celebrating Connie calls to tell me that she had received a call from the guy that is supposedly the birth father. He told her that he would not go along with the adoption because he does not believe in adoption. Really??? How can you not believe in adoption? Man, talk about going from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I was devastated. Thankfully I was still with my friends, otherwise I would have been home alone. Once Connie told the birth mother what was going on, she told Connie he may not be the father because she had been with someone else as well. She said she had been too embarrassed to say that from the start. With there being hope that the first guy wasn't the father, we moved ahead with faith that it was still going to work out. She had her Dr. appointment that week, and they scheduled her C-section for April 7th. We continued to make plans to bring the baby home from the hospital. I had gotten pretty much everything we would need, now all we needed was that baby. On the Monday before he was born, Connie called and told me she had talked to the guy and that he had agreed to do a DNA test. She said that since he is probably going to be the father, she wouldn't recommend us taking the baby home. The decision was ours to make, because the birth mother still wanted us to take the baby. Ultimately we decided not to because we just couldn't handle having to give him back. We did go to the hospital when he was born. We saw the birth mother before she had him, and we were able to meet her mom. The only time we saw him was when her mom was bringing him in the room to be cleaned and checked. We stayed until she came back in the room and just went in to tell her bye. Eric and I were both glad we were there when he was born. That following weekend was HORRIBLE!!!! Just knowing we would have been bringing him home. I had Eric pack up all the baby stuff and put it in the attic. Just seeing all that stuff packed up before he took it up tore my heart out. To say we were miserable is an understatement. Our whole world was turned upside down...again. Someone close to us just looked at this whole thing as nothing more than a business deal gone bad. That is NOT what this is. It is much deeper than that. They told me I just need to get over it and move on with Lifetime. OH MY!!! How can you see the pain we are in and say that??? I can't just jump right into something else when I haven't had time to grieve the loss of this baby. I finally told her that she wouldn't be telling me to just get over it if I had had a miscarriage, and this is the same thing, I lost a baby! My body may not have gone through the physical loss, but I certainly was feeling the emotional loss.
Now...to jump forward almost 5 weeks, the last I heard the guy still hasn't done the DNA test. The birth mother had no choice but to keep the baby, so she has bonded with hm now. If the guy never has the DNA test, or if he does and he isn't the father, she probably won't be able to give him up now that she has had him this long. I know the odds are stacked against us, but I can't help but have a voice in the back of my mind telling me maybe it will work out. I will be so glad to officially know one way or the other.

Timing

2011-03-15T19:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday someone was in my office while I was tying the ribbon on our adoption profile to be sent to Lifetime for approval. She looked through it and said she had no idea there was so much to adoption. She said she thought you just tell them you want a baby and you get on a list and you get one when its your turn. If only it were that simple. These past few months have been VERY stressful. I remeber talking with someone at Lifetime the first part of December and asking them if we would be ready to be shown to birthmothers within a month. She said it will just depend us. She said it takes couples anywhere from a month to 6 months. I thought no problem, we'll be ready by January 1. Ha! Ha! Ha! We had our first meeting for the home study on December 13th or 14th (I can't remember the exact day). She met with us for 4 hours and we only scratched the surface that night. She then faxed us 20 pages to be filled out by each of us. We filled it all out and faxed it back to her. Because of the holidays and family health issues, she wasn't able to meet with us again to complete the home study until January 30. That afternoon she gave us the information needed to get our background checks done. We already had our physicals set up for the next morning, so we thought we would go ahead and get the background checks done. Little did we know it would turn out to be an all day event. We had to go to our police station for one background check. We were told to go to the DMV to do our fingerprints. Once we got there and waited a pretty good while, only to find out they don't do it, and we were directed to another place. When we got there, we find out that is where we will bring our fingerprints, but they don't do them there. So we had to go to the police station in that town to be fingerprinted. Once we did that we had to get money orders to pay the fees. By this time we stopped for lunch and I called Angie (the lady who did the home study) to find out the address she needed this background check sent to. She just happened to be bringing her son to the library accross the street from where we were. Amen for God's perfect timing. We were able to meet her and sign a release form for 3 of the background checks she was going to have done for us. There are 5 different background checks that are done. All are complete except for the Federal background check. That one takes around 6 weeks, so we should get it back any day.
The profile had to be created. I am not the best with computers, so I had no idea where to start. After a lot of searching we finally found a scrapbooking software to use. It took a little while to get the hang of it, but it wasn't too bad, just very time consuming. One of the hardest things was getting pictures. To say Eric hates taking pictures is a huge understatement. I think he would rather take a beating. My friend Susan took pictures for us in mid December, back when I thought we would be able to get this done quickly. I think it was one of the coldest days we had this year. We nearly froze, and you could see it written all over Eric's face in over half the pictures. He looked like his teeth were chattering. If he had been in a deer stand, you wouldn't have heard one complaint from him. With his schedule, and knowing the fight I would have on my hands each time I suggested we take pictures, it took a while for us to get all the pictures we needed.
Another thing we've had to deal with is refinancing our house to get the money to pay for the adoption. We applied on November 22 to refinance our first mortgage to lower the payment, and then we would do a home equity loan. When we applied, the loan officer told us we should close in around 30 days. Well great, that would keep us on my "schedule" of January 1. We had one thing after another come up to delay the process, and it was February 14th when we finally closed on the first mortgage. We met with another loan officer that day to get started on the home equity, and in my mind I was thinking maybe a week or so. WRONG....it was a month. OK, now for the good part. Monday, while I was preparing the profile to be sent in for approval, I get the call from the bank saying our home equity is ready to be closed. All this time of trying to get everything done, and isn't it amazing how it all comes together at the same time. Again I say amen to God's timing. We will close on the home equity tomorrow. They will hopefully get the profile tomorrow, and I hope to hear from them whether I need to make changes or not. Next week we should be ready to be presented to birthmothers. I am so excited and scared to death all at the same time.

Progress

2011-02-02T19:36:00.002-06:00

We are finally starting to see some progress with the preliminary stuff for the adoption. We have so much going on, I have felt like I am drowning.
In order to pay for the adoption, we are refinancing our house. We submitted the paperwork on November 22, and now over two months later, we still haven't closed. It has been one thing after another, but we should finally be closing within a few days. We have also been shopping around for homeowners insurance since we have realized we have been paying way to much for the last 7 years. We finally narrowed it down and made a decision on that today.
We have now done the home study, and she wasn't kidding when she said she would know everything about us except our underwear size. However, with all the information she has on us, she should be able to figure that out. Before she got here Eric asked me if she would want to know our weight. I laughed cause I thought surely not. Well guess what, she did.
The profile is another project we've been working on. We have been taking pictures, which Eric hates doing. We are supposed to have "action" pictures, and it makes him mad we are just posing like we are doing stuff we really aren't doing. Well, it is dead of winter, and we just aren't getting out there going fishing, but we posed like we were to take pictures. We have submitted our "Dear Birth Parent" letter, and it has been approved. This letter will be broken up into sections throughout our profile telling about us and how we plan to raise a child. We have ordered scrapbook software, and once that comes in, I hope it won't take long to put it all together.
All of these things were started back in November and December, but just in the last week it is all finally coming together. Timing is everything, and I believe God has a reason for all these things dragging along and now all of a sudden we are making progress. I know a lot of you have been praying for us and the child we will adopt. Please continue to pray as God leads us to the birth mother who will give us the ultimate gift anyone could give us, a family.

Emotions

2011-01-08T05:39:00.003-06:00

These last few months have certainly been an emotional roller coaster. The holidays without children are very depressing. One of the first things you think to associate with Christmas is family. I so want to be able to take my child to see Santa, make Christmas cookies with them, read them Christmas stories, and especially see their little faces on Christmas morning. This year was especially difficult after the failed adoption last year. It is hard knowing this year could have been different. His first birthday was December 16th, so that day, and the days leading up to it, were pretty difficult. I so wanted to be able to share that, and many other events, with him. The one thing that has given me hope, and helped me through this holiday season, is getting started with this new agency. We have so much to do to get ready to be presented to birth mothers. Things pretty much got put on hold with the holidays, but I am really getting geared up to get this process going. These next few weeks are going to be very busy. I am so excited to see what this year may bring. I am so praying that 2011 will be "the" year. I pray that this Christmas will be filled with all the joy that we have been missing for so many years.

Lifetime

2010-12-01T20:07:00.004-06:00

Today I sent our contract in to another adoption service. We are now with Lifetime Adoption Center. My mom actually came across them. I had been really depress, and she made it her mission to find a solution for us. She had been researching christian adoption services, and she had seen Lifetime, but had become more interested in a different agency. While getting ready for work, she happened to turn on the TV at the exact time the 700 Club was introducing Mardie Caldwell, the founder & director for Lifetime. Since they run the same episode at night as they do in the morning, I was able to see the interview. We sent in an application to Lifetime on 11/11/10, and after much prayer, we have decided to use their services. Lifetime is a national agency, so with much more exposure, we are praying for this process to move very fast. One of the great things about The Village of Hope, the adoption ministry we have been with for the last two years, is that their fees are around $9,000.00. I must admit that knowing the average cost of adoptions is over $20,000.00 has held us back from moving on to a different agency. It is very hard for me to get past the money aspect of it. The average cost of adopting with Lifetime is around $25,000.00 to $30,000.00.
As a way to help adoptive parents reduce the amount of their fees, and to also help the birth mothers, Lifetime Adoption Center and Lifetime Adoption Foundation have joined to offer a "Donate and Save Program". Friends and family can make tax deductible charitable donations to Lifetime Foundation in our name, and Lifetime Adoption Center will match those donations by reducing our fees, up to $3,800.00. Anyone who is willing to make a donation, please contact me at melindab399@gmail.com. I will send you the form needed as well as return envelope. Making a donation will not only help Eric and I with the expense of adopting, but it will also help birth mothers. They assist birth mothers with scholarships, medical expenses, living expenses, etc.. To learn more about the services that Lifetime Foundation offers to birth mothers, you can visit http://www.lifetimefoundatin.org/.
In order for us to have all donations in to be submitted with our final payment, we would need the donations in by December 17th. Any donation amount would be GREATLY appreciated by Eric and me.

Hearts of Hope

2010-10-17T21:51:00.003-05:00

Hearts of Hope, the support group for women dealing with infertility, will have our first meeting tomorrow night, Oct. 18th. We will be meeting at 6:30 at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Madison. Everyone please be in prayer for all the ladies who will be attending. I am so excited how God is already bringing women to our group. My mom let me borrow a book that has several stories in it how God brought families together. I was going to look over it and use a story for our first meeting. I had taken it with me to work, and as I was leaving work someone asked me what I was reading. I told her about the book and what I was using it for. She told me that a man at work had asked her if she new of an adoption agency. I told her to tell him about our group because it may be able to help his wife. Last Friday I called him, and he asked me to email him the information and he would pass it on to his wife. Friday night I got a message from his wife that she will be there, and that she had been looking for a support group in our area. It is so amazing that just because I had that book in my hand at the right moment, God used that to bring all of this about. There is one other girl that I have really been praying for. I have become friends with a cashier at Wal-Mart, (yes I know I have a problem when I go to Wal-Mart so much that the cashier recognizes me and we become friends :o) ) anyway, one of her teachers is dealing with infertility. From what I have been told she is having a really hard time. I have sent her a message, but I haven't heard back from her. I just pray she is getting the help she needs. The day that Reka, my friend at Wal-Mart, told me about her teacher, I knew that was the reason God created that friendship between us. He was preparing a way for me to reach out to her teacher. I pray we will have many more stories like these. I love being able to see how God is bringing this all together. When Connie first asked me about doing this, I really thought she was crazy because I thought I would be the last person God would want to do this. I am so proud to be involved with getting this group together. I am really feeling like this is God's calling for me. I knew when we had the failed adoption, God was preparing me to help others, and knowing that really helped me to get through it.

Infertility Support Group

2010-09-20T19:40:00.002-05:00

Infertility has been the without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. There are times I have thought I am just going crazy. I have cried til I'm completely tired of crying. I am so sick of the feelings I get when other people are able to have a family so easily, and I have been so desperately wanting a family for over 10 years. I am so tired of dreading the holidays, because it is just going to be another Christmas without children. I wonder if this empty feeling I have will ever be filled by children. I know there are many others who are feeling or have felt the exact same way. I never would have imagined that God would use me in the way He is using me now. Connie and I had our first meeting tonight to plan a support group for women who are dealing with infertility. Our first meeting will be at 6:30 on October 18th at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Ridgeland. If you are in this area, and are dealing with infertility or know someone who is, please get in touch with me. I truly believe it will make such a huge difference in our lives to be around others who are dealing with the same pain, struggles, and emotions. People who haven't had to deal with infertility just don't understand. They may try to understand, but they just can't. If you are interested in joining our group, please email me at melindab399@gmail.com

Little Prayer, Big Answer

2010-09-02T21:09:00.003-05:00

Well, I washed Eric's new cell phone in the washing machine last night. I discovered it this morning when I went to put the clothes in the dryer. I was devastated. I cried like someone had died. We got our new phones at the end of July, so we have barely had them over a month. If you know me, then you know I can be a bit of a penny pincher. I will even talk myself out of buying a drink at the store. We are talking just over a dollar, so you can only imagine how I would flip out over waisting hundreds of dollars. I cried all morning. I was in a foul mood all day at work. I know, it was only a cell phone, and it can be replaced, but it was a big deal to me. I prayed and prayed that after it dried out it would work. This afternoon, just as I was about to leave work, my phone rang, and on the caller ID it was Eric's cell phone number. IT WORKS!!!!!! I was so excited!!! Now I wouldn't have to pay to replace a phone that I had just bought. I now realize that God allowed that to happen. He knew how to get me where it would hurt....my pocket book. Lately I have been feeling that my prayers aren't being heard. It has seemed that none of my prayers have been answered. God knew I was needing to hear from Him. I needed to see Him doing something in my life. It is so hard to make it through the tough times, but we have to keep our minds and hearts open to what God may be trying to tell us through those situation. He told me today, that He is still here with me, and that He hasn't gone anywhere, and He does love me. My prayer today was for something small and some would say it was trivial, but I got a BIG answer from God.

The latest in our adoption process

2010-08-02T21:00:00.003-05:00

I am going to try to make a long story short, but I just want to fill you all in on what has happened over the past couple of months. The Saturday before memorial day, Eric and I ran into Connie, with The Village of Hope. We were at a Wal-Mart on the other side of town, and it is one that we rarely go to. She said she couldn't believe she was running into us that day because she had just been talking to the birthmother that we had been working with last year. She had just talked to her 3 times that morning. The plan was that on June 2nd "R", the birthmother, was to be going to get Matthew from the lady who had been keeping him. Connie did not indicate at that time that "R" was going to get him because she had decided she wanted us to have him. She just said that she was going to get him and bring him back to MS. Needless to say, even without her saying anything, I was already getting my hopes up again, as hard as I was trying not to. The lady who was keeping him had already indicated that she wanted to keep him, and when "R" got up there to get him, the lady called DHS. With DHS involved, and us being in another state, the odds were stacking up against us, but I was holding on to the thought that this was finally it. The mother finally wants us to adopt him, and I just knew they would allow her to decide who would raise him. A court date was set for July 26. Of course I was hoping everything would get worked out before the court date, but that was not to be the case. The plan was that Connie, her husband, and the lawyer were going to be present for the court date. "R" had kept in touch with Connie until the end of June. Since "R" didn't have a phone, and she had been staying in a shelter, Connie had no way to get in touch with her. "R" has always kept in touch with Connie. Even when she left back in October, Connie knew exactly where she was going and as she moved around, she still let Connie know where she was. It is not like her to just cut off contact like that. To my knowledge, Connie still hasn't heard from her, and it has been well over a month now. I am really worried that something has happened to her. Needless to say, without "R" to say she wanted us to adopt him, we didn't stand a chance. I just knew this was going to be it. I was so disappointed when it didn't work out again. This whole process had been the biggest emotional roller coaster. I'll never forget the day she picked us. That was the happiest day, and only two weeks later it all came crashing down when she ran off. In January she had decided she wanted us to have him, and only a few days later, she allowed the people around her to talk her out of it. We have basically been strung along since October, not knowing what is going to happen, and hoping so much that he would come home to us. This time at least we have closure. We don't know, and may never know what happened with in court. I just pray that Matthew will be in a loving, Christian home, and not be moved from place to place in "the system".
At this point we just don't know what direction God is going to lead us in on this journey to adopt. Right now I just want to give up, because it just feels like it isn't ever going to happen for us. I am tired of hurting and worrying about it, but I still have that maternal need for a baby. I feel so incomplete without children. Please pray that God will lead us, and for His will to be done.

Scentsy

2010-06-21T17:18:00.003-05:00

In order to earn extra money for our adoption fund, I have started selling Scentsy. With Scentsy, decorative warmers heated by a light bulb are used to melt scented wax. I have it set up in my office, and people are constantly commenting on how nice it smells. To see the products available, or to place orders online, please visit my website at www.melindabowers.scentsy.us If you live in my area, or in my hometown, and would be interested in hosting a party, I would really appreciate it. Please contact me if you have any questions.

Vacation

2010-06-12T08:46:00.002-05:00

Thankfully we made it to the beach before the oil got there. We left Gulf Shores on Thursday, and the oil got there on Friday. This oil situation is so sad. We took a dolphin cruise, and when the dolphin started jumping out of the water, I just started to cry. It is so sad to know that the oil is killing so much wildlife.
My parents were able to come down and spend a few days with us. I am so glad they came. Here are a few pictures from our trip...

Mending My Relationship With God

2010-06-06T16:18:00.004-05:00

The last couple of posts are not ones I am very proud of. They were my true feelings, but I wish that during these very difficult times, I had handled things differently. Back in February Eric and I had to come to terms with not getting Matthew. During this time I was sick with the crud and just didn't feeling like doing anything or getting out any more than I had to. We missed one Sunday of church, then another, then another. I prayed less and less, and quit reading my bible. I had a major break down when we went to our nephew's boy scouts program, and saw all the proud parents and grandparents. I cried so hard that night I almost made myself sick. Eric and I were both sinking into a very dark place. Neither one of us were able to be a support for the other. Neither one of us were trying to maintain our relationship with God. We were feeling forsaken, angry, and we were questioning why God is allowing us to hurt for so long over not having children. Eric and I were arguing a lot, and one night driving back from my parent's, I was going through my head trying to decide who would keep what when we went our separate ways. There are a lot of couples whose marriage doesn't make it through the stress of trying to adopt. Throw in the stress from work, finances, and a major home project, and we have several reasons for a failed marriage. We knew we had to make some changes if our marriage was going to survive. We love the people at the church we had gone to, but we knew we would need more spiritually in order to get our selves back in a good relationship with God and with each other. Several months ago I had run into one of my cousins, and I had asked her about her church. When we made the decision to go back to church, we decided to visit her church. Oh my, it was AWESOME!!!! Eric and I both really enjoy praise and worship time, and this church has an awesome praise and worship team. It just sets the mood for your worship time. I can't say enough good things about the pastor at this church. I have already learned so much from his sermons. He initiated meeting with us to get to know us better, and that meant so much to us. We have really enjoyed and look forward to the services at this church. We are not proud of the way we handled this failed adoption. Instead of drawing closer to God, we both drifted farther and farther away. We are now trying to heal, and put God back at the center of our lives. It is still hard at times, but I am so glad we are at least making an effort now. The last several Sundays the pastor has really been speaking to me about worship not just being something we do on Sundays. My personal worship time during the week has been lacking. In order to get my relationship with God where I want it to be, I know I have got to set aside time to spend with Him. I know we all have times we feel our prayers aren't being heard, but for such a long time, I had a tremendous negative feeling when I would think about praying or reading my bible. It really feels good to no longer have those negative feelings.
Today our pastor challenged us to read the book of Philippians. He wants us to read it twice. He said the first time just read it through, and then come back later that day or the next day and read it again while praying through it. I don't know why, but when he challenged us with this, I felt God was telling me to pass this challenge on through my blog. I pray that if you take this challenge, you will hear from God while reading and praying through Philippians.

Mothers Day

2010-05-08T18:58:00.002-05:00

For the last several years, it has just become customary that we skip church on Mothers Day and Fathers Day. It is just too painful to watch the celebration for each of these holidays. This year has been especially difficult because I had thought that this was finally going to be the year I get to celebrate as a mom. I have dreaded it all week. Last Sunday when my cousin invited us over for lunch after church on Mothers Day, I so wanted to go, but I know the pain that day is going to bring. She was so understanding and just held me when I started to cry. After we left Eric said she is the first person who he has seen treat me the way I need to be treated in that situation. Friday a department down the hall had provided lunch for mothers. I had three people come in and ask me to come down and join them. I know they were just being kind, but they made it so hard when they just didn't want to take no for an answer. I went down to the cafeteria to get something, and while I am waiting on my order, the guy is telling all the women "Happy Mothers Day" as he gives them their order. I just started dreading getting my plate. A woman was beside me who knows what I've been through, and she asked me if I was OK. All I could do was shake my head no. She was so sweet, and went to get me a napkin, because of course I am starting to cry again. I spent my lunch break sitting outside crying. It is just so much harder this year. I just keep thinking that Matthew should be here with us and this should be a day of celebration for us. Instead it is a day of grieving. Over a year ago I made the comment to someone that I hope we never have to go through a failed adoption because it would be like having a miscarriage. She was so quick to tell me it was NOT like a miscarriage. Of course I never meant to compare the physical, but you cannot tell me that the hurt of a failed adoption is any less than that of a couple grieving after miscarriage. One aspect that makes this harder is the fact of knowing the child I had started thinking of as my son is out there somewhere, and we held out hope for so long that she would change her mind and he would eventually come home to us. At this point if that were to happen it would be nothing but a pure miracle. I'm sorry for another depressing post. Hopefully one day soon I will post about something happy.

Finally accepting this as a failed adoption

2010-04-09T23:18:00.004-05:00

I have typed up several post lately, but each one has been deleted in the end. They have just all sounded too depressing and negative, but that is just what I have been feeling lately. We'll see if this one actually gets posted. A big part of my reason for blogging is to share our experience with adoption, the good and bad. If you have been following this blog, you know that we have recently been through a failed adoption. I have had a real hard time accepting this as a "failed adoption" and not just a "post poned adoption". After the birthmother left in October, I still hung on to hope it was going to eventually work out. I kept that hope from October until just a few weeks ago. It was my choice to keep receiving updates on Matthew, and by doing so, I wasn't able to let go. Well, I have finally had to just let it go and realize this just isn't the one. My mom has told me that so many people have told her that they can't believe how positive I have been through all of this. Holding on to that hope is what kept me going and kept me positive. Well, now that I am feeling that the hope is gone, my attitude is horrible. We are now finally dealing with the loss of Matthew. I'm sure it may be hard for some to understand, but when we were told the birthmother chose us, in my mind he became my son. Just as I'm sure when someone finds out they are expecting, even though they haven't seen the baby, touched the baby, or even heard the baby's heartbeat, they love that baby and start planning their life with that baby. That is exactly how it was for us. We started loving Matthew the moment we were chosen. I'll never forget that moment and the excitement we felt. We felt like our wait was finally over. We have hurt for so long wanting a child, and that was all about to end. Only now we have a whole new hurt. We still hurt longing for a child, but now we are also hurting over loosing Matthew. I don't think I will ever stop loving or thinking about Matthew. Each month on the 16th I am reminded that he is another month older, and I truly believe that I will always think of him and wonder how his is doing on December 16th. People try to make us feel better by telling us "something is going to come along for y'all', or "God must have something else in store for y'all", or "just be patient, it is going to happen". I know they are just trying to be helpful, but I just can't tell you how many times I have heard it over and over. We have been waiting for a child for around 9 years now. We are both getting to the age that we are starting to feel like we are too old to become parents. I know God's time is not our time. Patience is a hard thing to come by when you are in a situation like this. I just hope that one day we will be able to see the reason for all this and understand His plan in all this. Right now we are not able to understand why, and that is one of the things that makes it so difficult.

Easely Amused

2010-03-08T21:29:00.002-06:00

My friend Mary and I took a painting class tonight at Easely Amused. Mary and I had such a great time together. I wanted to take this particular class to paint Irises. There are certain flowers that remind me of my grandmother, and Irises are one of them. I am going to give this painting to her for her 97th birthday, which is tomorrow. I am so thankful to still have my grandmother. She has always meant so much to me. One of the things I will always remember about her is that whenever I would get sick as a child, I would always want to call her because she would bring me a six pack of the little bottled grape juice. She would usually also bring a coloring book or something else to occupy me. I sure do miss going to her house every Sunday for lunch. We don't realize how much we will miss the little things like that until we're no long able to do them.

If you're interested in taking a class, you can see their schedule at www.easelyamused.com. Here are a few pictures from our class.

Snow Day

2010-02-18T18:59:00.003-06:00

Last Friday, Feb. 12, we actually had SNOW in Mississippi. It was a beautiful day. We didn't have to go to work, so that was an added bonus. Eric and I went over to see our nephews, and we had a snowball fight. That was the most fun we had all day. I was so excited to see it snow, but it was also depressing to see all the families out building snowmen together. It just made me long for a child even more. Anyway, this isn't supposed to be another post about a baby.
I can't remember the last time it snowed here and actually amounted to anything. We have had a few "dustings" but nothing like this. I am so thankful God gave us such a beautiful day.

The Natchez Trace Parkway

Gavin and Cody

God's Protection

2010-02-08T17:56:00.002-06:00

God is protecting Matthew. The birth mother did not give custody to the guy. We were very concerned about what would have happened to Matthew if that had happened. No decision has been made by the birthmother. We feel like we are back to where we were before, just waiting to see what happens. I am just thankful God protected Matthew from what could have happened if she had gone through with giving custody to that guy. Please keep praying that God's will be done.

We Need a Miracle

2010-01-28T09:28:00.002-06:00

If we are to get Matthew, the baby that we thought we were going to get, we need a miracle. Things are at a point right now that will finalize this situation one way or the other. Right now the birthmother is saying she is going to give custody to someone else. She is supposed to go and sign the papers next week. She has gone back and forth with it, so I just can't give up hope yet. I won't have closure until she has signed the papers. I have said that I want our adoption to be a witness and to be able to see how God put it all together. If this is the one, boy, I had no idea what I was asking for. This will have been a bit more than what I had in mind, because if this works out the way we want it to, it will be nothing but a miracle from God. The situation is a lot more detailed than what I can make public, but just know that right now it does not look good at all. Hopefully one day this will all work out and I can explain just how bizarre this situation is. I keep telling people that this is the kind of stuff you would see on Dateline, it is that weird. Please pray for us and everyone involved right now. Please especially pray that God will give the birthmother the wisdom to make the right decision, whatever that may be. I pray for His will to be done.

Happy Birthday!!!

2010-01-26T18:36:00.002-06:00

Today is my mama's 60th birthday. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful mother. She has been more like a sister to me than a mother. I am so glad we have had the opportunity to do so many things together.
We had a surprise party for her, and we got her good. She had no idea what was going on. I practically had to push her into the room where the party was. I want to thank everyone who came to make it such a special occasion for her.

Another Christmas Without a Baby

2009-12-21T04:03:00.006-06:00

This is a post I REALLY didn't want to do, but as I've mentioned before, subjects or titles will come to me, and they will just feel right. I feel it is God letting me know what He wants me to blog. I am using this blog to document our whole adoption process, and if I am going to be honest, it would not be right for me to leave out the feelings we are dealing with right now. The closer it gets to Christmas, the worse it is getting. Christmas is like a deadline, we thought we were going to have our baby by Christmas. This was supposed to be THE Christmas, the one we finally get to celebrate with a baby. Before the birth mother left, everything seemed to be going perfect. If I had written out how I wanted our "adoption story" to be, I couldn't have written it out any more perfect than how it was going. We were seeing God in so many different aspect of the process. I mentioned before about how I had just added pictures to our profile, and those were the ones that made her pick us. Connie told me how we were to be the third couple shown to the birth mother, but God eliminated the other two couples which made us the first ones shown. She looked at ours and never made it to the other two profiles Connie had available to show her. I just briefly mentioned in a previous post that God even let us know what He wanted him named. We already had a name picked out, but when we found out we were getting him, I started looking through boy names just to make sure. There was one particular name I just kept feeling drawn to because of the meaning. The day we met the birth mother, that is the name she was calling him....Matthew, which means A Gift From God. When we left our meeting with her, we went to see Eric's mom at her work. She had said that they found a perfectly good booster car seat out in the parking lot. She gave it to us to hang onto for later. Eric was holding it and noticed something written on the side of it...Matthew. Matthew is not the name I would have picked, but I just felt God was letting us know He wanted him named Matthew. So, like I said, everything seemed perfect and then she just all of a sudden left. With all the things that had happened, I just couldn't let myself believe this was really over. She did keep in contact with Connie while she was at her mother's, but once she left there, she stopped returning Connie's calls and text. Eric and I are just really struggling with this right now, because our "deadline" is almost here. In a way we just feel like if it hasn't happened by Christmas, it isn't going to happen. I know Christmas isn't a real deadline, and something could change at any moment, but for us emotionally, this is our deadline. I tried to talk Eric into just going away for Christmas, and getting a cabin in the mountains, but he wanted to stay here. I think now he is regretting staying. Eric had been real snippy with me this weekend, and we finally just had a huge blow up yesterday morning. Our tempers flared and we said things we really didn't mean. Eric is the type of person who tries to hide his emotions. He had just finally reached a breaking point, and all heck broke loose. Once we were able to finally calm down, and apologize, things did seem to be a little better. Back when we thought we were getting Matthew, someone told me at least I wouldn't have a long wait. I said but I have been waiting 9 years. They said but at least you don't have to wait 9 months to get your baby. I have to tell you, I would much rather have a 9 month wait and know that baby will be mine than to go through this. When adopting, the process can be very fast, you could even get a call that a baby is ready right then. But the shorter wait in finding out about a baby doesn't in any way make up for the years we have waited, and all the suffering we have gone through in that time.
The last several days I have not been able to sleep through the night. I've been up at 2 a.m., 4:30 a.m., and this morning it was 3:30 a.m. Just now I was thinking that if we had gotten Matthew, I would probably be up all during the night taking care of him, not sitting her typing this blog. Just knowing he is out there somewhere, and knowing there is no way he can really be taken care of the way any baby deserves is driving me crazy. She doesn't even have a home, she is on the run, so there is no telling what is happening with him. I just wish she would put her own feelings aside and put the needs of her baby first. I just don't understand these women who keep their babies when they don't have the means to truly care for them and provide a stable home for them. I am not saying I believe that giving your baby up for adoption would be an easy thing to do, but I do believe that when you are basically homeless, you need to think of your baby's needs first and let it have a chance to be part of a real family and have a real home.
I hope I'm not bringing everyone down with this post. That is why I really didn't want to do it, but I felt God wanted me to do it. Who knows, maybe it will in some way help someone who is dealing with the same type of situation. It has always helped be when reading someone else's blog to realize I am not the only one going through this, and I am not the only one who has felt the things I am feeling now. Adoption is a very hard process. I had no idea how hard it would be when we made the decision two years ago to try to adopt. You really need to be in a stable marriage to go through this process. When I saw Connie Wednesday to give her the stuff I collected for the other birth mother, she said that a lot of couples don't make it through failed adoptions. Yesterday I was beginning to think Eric and I were going to be part of that statistic. Thankfully we are better now. Mama told me last night that someone had told her that I seem to be so strong. God has protected me, because had this happened last year, I would not have made it through this. I would have fallen into such a deep depression, I don't know what would have happened. Since God has saved me now, I am handling this much better than I would have imagined, but the fact is it still hurts. I know God is helping me through this, even though lately I have not had as close of a relationship with him as I should. I do know God is in control of this whole situation. I know there is a reason for this happening, but right now that just doesn't take away the hurt. People say well I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Well, yes it was. This was meant to be part of God's plan for us. He knew this was going to happen the day we found out about this baby. We just have to make it through right now so we can see what God has "meant to be" for us later.

Thankful for my church family

2009-12-13T13:03:00.002-06:00

I am so thankful to have such a wonderful church family. They really came through for the girl who is having her baby next week. Any time there is a need, my church family is always willing to help others. Anyone who comes to our church always comments on how friendly everyone is and how they felt so welcome there. When Eric and I were visiting other churches, we were rarely even spoken to. When we went to this church, we had people lining up to come speak to us. I knew from the first time we went there that that was where I wanted to be. We had passed by this church for two years, and had never even given thought to going there. I am so thankful God led us to that church and to the wonderful people there.

Why Me God???

2009-12-09T15:51:00.002-06:00

I know a lot of you are anxious for an update, but I can assure you that you can’t be any more anxious than I am. I talked to Connie Monday and she has not been able to get in touch with the birth mother. Just from my own speculation, I figure she has probably had him and doesn’t want to talk to Connie now that she’s had him. I would really like to have closure and know for sure, but we may never know.
When I talked to Connie Monday I had asked her about the needs of the women at The Christmas Village. I had thought our ladies group at church could get Christmas presents for them. She said they have a lady now who has an urgent need. She is scheduled for a C-section on December 17 and she doesn’t have hardly anything for her baby. She is planning to raise her son. Her family isn’t having anything to do with her because she is keeping him. All she has for him is some Onesies and bottles. I have asked my church family to donate items for her and her baby. I have to say, this isn’t something I really wanted to do. I mean basically I am helping her to be able to keep her baby. I just wonder how she plans to provide for her baby, and why she wouldn’t let a family adopt the baby to provide a home for him. I hate it, but that is the selfish side of me thinking this. I would love nothing more than to bring that baby home, but for some reason I just feel really strongly about helping this lady. I feel God is really wanting to use me to help her. I’m not sure why he would pick me. I just want to detach myself from this type of situation, but I am going to do WHATEVER I feel He wants me to do.

Peace

2009-11-18T13:54:00.005-06:00

Sometimes when I get ready to blog, a title or subject will come to me first, and then I’ll just go from there. I have had it on my heart the last week or so to blog about the peace God has given me through the trial we are going through. That is not to say I don’t have my moments of doubt or being depressed, but for the most part, I have just had a peace about this situation. God has made Himself known to me in so many ways throughout this process. When we first found out about this baby, two ladies from work brought me two candles. When they came in they said they brought one because it was blue, and the other one was baby powder scent. I never thought much about the name on the blue one until after the birth mother left and I was beginning to realize the sense of peace I was feeling. The name on that blue candle is PEACE. Just now I was trying to find verse to include in this post, and I was in the process of searching through the 15 pages of scriptures that mention peace on biblegateway.com. I called my mom to see if she had a recommendation and as soon as she was starting to say something, I interrupted her to read one that I had just seen. It was the same exact one she was about to tell me about. Philippians 4:7, but she said that I need to include verse 6 too.

Philippians 4:6-7 - Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.

The peace I am feeling is definitely more than my human mind can understand. I should be flipping out right now. Sometimes I feel like I am about to suffocate with the desire for a baby. I feel like I am just existing until I become a mother. So how is it that I am feeling peace right now....GOD!!!

Now for an update, the birth mother has left the state. She is in Indiana. Connie sent her a text earlier this week, and she did reply. It is such a good thing that she is still keeping in contact with Connie. We just really won’t know anything for sure until she has him and she makes her final decision. Please pray for safety for her and the baby. We are really hoping she will come back to MS before she has him. All we can do now is pray, and wait to see what happens.

I really appreciate all the emails and comments. It has helped me so much to receive encouragement from so many people, and some of you I don’t even know. It just goes to show how God is using blogs to bring people together to encourage each other.

No News is Good News

2009-11-04T19:45:00.002-06:00

I want to start by thanking everyone for your prayers, your emails, and your comments. I can't tell you how it has made me feel to receive so much encouragement. This has been a rough week, but I'm OK. When they say adoption is a roller coaster ride, they weren't kidding. We were so excited and so confident, and in a matter of just two weeks, everything changed. I still have hope for this baby to be ours. This door is definitely not closed. I did talk to Connie today, but there isn't really much to tell. The mother is still where she said she was going to be. She has a new cell and she gave Connie her new number. She and Connie developed a relationship because Connie was the one who was with her the most. It is a very good thing that she is keeping the lines of communication open. When we met her, I gave her a bracelet that I made. Unfortunately the clasp broke, so I have gotten it back to fix it. Connie asked her if she wanted her to mail the bracelet to her, and she does. I look at that as a good sign since she still wants it. So, like I said, no new is good news. At least we still have a shot at this baby becoming part of our family. Please keep praying for the mother, the baby, Connie, and us. We all needs your prayers as we go through this.

A Bump in the Road

2009-10-29T07:34:00.003-05:00

We have reached a bump in the road. Actually it is a HUGE bump, more like a wall, and we have to find a way to get over it or around it. Our birth mother had an "episode" Tuesday night, and she has left The Christmas Village. Right now we have no idea what is going to happen. She has gone to a relative's house which is several hours away. While she was here, she was getting medical care, and she won't have the kind of care she was receiving here. She was getting a progesterone shot every Wednesday to keep her from going into labor since she has already started dilating. Well she missed her shot yesterday, and from what I understand, once you get off the schedule, you can't go back and take it later. She is 30 weeks today, so it is just too soon for him to be born. She has been through a lot in the last several weeks, and I think it has just all caught up with her. I felt so secure with this situation that I was telling everyone and blogging about all the ways God was letting us know this is going to be our son. I just find it hard to believe that with all the miracles He has shown us so far, that this is over. I mean God has even let us know what He wants him named. There is so much more that has happened that I haven't even blogged yet. I have been trying to blog about each miracle in order to keep them all separate. I haven't given up hope yet, but I have to prepare myself just in case this doesn't work out for us. Connie, with The Village of Hope, has been in contact with her. She even spoke to her last night to make sure she arrived at her destination. One positive note is that she gave Connie her correct contact information, and she was where she said she was going to be. Connie is going to give her a day to rest, and then she will contact her to see how she is doing. Please be praying for all of us. The birth mother needs prayers that she seek God in her decisions. The baby needs prayers that he will not come until he is able to be born healthy. Connie needs your prayers while dealing with the birth mother and that God would give her the words to say to her. And we need your prayers for God to help us through this. There are several days ahead that are going to be really hard for me. Tomorrow I was supposed to be going with her to her Dr. appointment to see the sonogram. There had already been two showers planned for us. My work was giving a shower on November 10, and our church was giving us a shower on November 14. I was so looking forward to those events. I was finally experiencing things that I was beginning to think would never happen for me, and now, I just don't know what to think. I know God is in control, and if He intends for this baby to be ours, it will happen. It just hurts right now not knowing what is going to happen.

Cradle

2009-10-27T06:38:00.002-05:00

A very special friend of ours bought a cradle for us last summer. She was going to an estate sale when she passed this elderly couple's home who had put a few things out for a garage sale. She said the cradle caught her eye so she stopped. She talked to the couple about the cradle, and the man had made it in hopes of one day having grandchildren. Since they haven't had any grandchildren he decided to go ahead and sell it. It is a beautiful wood cradle. My friend bought the cradle the morning of July 11th, and that night during revival I was saved. She said she was about to burst when I went up front. She told my mama that night what she had done, and it nearly killed her not to tell me.
Thank you Rita! We love you!

How God brought us to The Village of Hope

2009-10-21T10:18:00.000-05:00

I have posted about this before, but I just want to remind everyone how God brought us to The Christmas Village and The Village of Hope. Last summer a friend of mine told me that his wife new of a woman who was going to give her baby up for adoption. He gave me his wife’s number and when I called , she was very encouraging and acted like she thought this would all work out. When you are so desperate for a baby, all you need is just a little bit of encouragement and you’re hooked. I just knew this was God answering our prayer, and this was going to be our baby. Little did I know that this was an answer to prayer, but just not in the way I wanted it to be. I talked to her a few more times and she was still being encouraging. Several weeks went by and I finally called her again. This time she was not being encouraging. She never came out and said it, but I could tell she knew something and this was not going to be our child. I had convinced myself this was going to be our child, so I was devastated this was not it. I got so depressed, and I was getting mad at God all over again. The next day I read Barbie Bassett’s blog, and it really opened my eyes. She was saying that when we take our eyes off of God, we are mince meat for Satan. Boy was he having a good time with me. I was reacting exactly how he wanted me to, and that was turning my back on God. Thankfully God stepped in and basically shook me. I normally wouldn’t have ever emailed Barbie, but I just wanted to let her know how her blog basically saved me from walking away from God. I told her a little bit about what we had been through, and when she replied to me, she let me know she is on the board for The Christmas Village. I had never even heard of them. She gave me the information on how to contact them, and we had our first meeting with them on September 11, 2008. At the time they were starting their adoption ministry, which is The Village of Hope. I can clearly look back now and see that had we not heard about that baby, and if I had not gotten so depressed, Barbie’s blog would not have meant what it did to me, and I wouldn’t be about to become the mama for this little boy. God uses situations that aren’t any fun to go through at the time to bring you to where He wants you to be.

Our first meeting with the birth mother

2009-10-18T12:33:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Eric and I had our first meeting with the birth mother, mama R. It really was an awesome experience. Of course we were a little nervous at first, but she was really easy to talk to. She was telling us about what made her choose us. There were two items in our profile that really let her know we were the ones. Those two items were not in our profile when we turned it in Sept. of 08. We were asked a week ago Tuesday (Oct. 6) if we wanted our profile shown to this birth mother. We did, and she was supposed to see the profiles the next day, however she had to go to the hospital Tuesday night so they did not want to show her on Wednesday because they wanted her to be well rested and have a clear mind when she looked at profiles. They said they would show them to her on Friday. Well, on Friday she was not having a very good day, so they decided to wait until the next Wednesday (Oct 14). On Saturday I decided to ask Connie if I could get our profile back to add more pictures from this past year. When I called her, I just happened to catch her when she was about to leave to come to our area. It was perfect timing. That night Eric and I were watching a movie, and I just couldn't keep my mind on the movie. I kept thinking of writing a new letter to the birth mother for our profile. God took over and I believe I said exactly what He wanted me to say in that letter. I also added more pictures to the profile. The last picture was a picture of the baby's room. We bought our house from Eric's brother, and before Cody was born, Eric's dad painted Winnie the Pooh on the walls of the room. We had been using the room for storage so I never had a reason to take pictures of it. We put our house on the market back in the spring, so we put up a baby bed and put a rocking chair in there for potential buyers to see. If we had not put our house on the market, I would never have had a picture of that room to put in our profile. The two things that made her pick us was the second letter I wrote, and the picture of the baby's room. If the things had not happened last week to put off her seeing the profiles, we would not have had those items in our profile. God knew what we needed in there to make her feel connected to us. This is just one example of the miracle of God bringing us together with mama R.

I'M GONNA BE A MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-16T06:11:00.006-05:00

I keep saying it over and over, I'm gonna be a mama, hoping it will sink in soon. A birth mother looked at our profile on Wednesday, and she picked us! From the very beginning, I have wanted to be able to see God's hand in putting us with the child we are to adopt. Well, my prayers are being answered in a BIG way. Connie, the lady with the agency, said she wished I would have told her that so she could have been prepared. There is no doubt that God has picked this child for us, and us for him. Oh, and by the way, this IS the sign from God not to go with that other agency. I found out about this on Tuesday morning, and I had planned to mail our application to that other agency Tuesday afternoon. Boy, talk about slapping me in the face with an answer. Wow! I will post more about how God is working in this later because I want to be able to tell our church family before I go into too much detail. The news right now is that we will be getting a baby BOY, and he will be born in December. That is the BEST Christmas present I'll ever receive. God knows my desire to be as involved as possible with this child, and the birth mother has already said she would like for me to go to the rest of her Dr. appointments, and guess what???????? I GET TO BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so overjoyed. I get to see our baby born. We will meet the birth mother this Saturday, so please be praying for us. I know this is going to be a very emotional time for all of us. I can't wait to see her belly and know that is my son in there. I will post more after we tell our church on Sunday.

A sign from God

2009-10-11T18:59:00.004-05:00

God did give us a sign about the agency situation. We will not be signing up with the other agency. It was a definite answer to our prayers. We know without a doubt He wants us to stay put. Whenever I would think about changing agencies, I would always think, "Be still and know I am God".

More information to come....SOON!

Prayer Request

2009-10-01T22:17:00.002-05:00

Please pray for Eric and I as we are making a decision about signing up with a different adoption agency. The agency we are with is great, but they are small and new. We have been with them for a year now. My grandmother mailed me a newspaper clipping this week about an adoption agency. We are now looking into that agency. I just want to be with whoever God wants us to be with. Please pray God will let us know what He wants us to do. I will update next week about what we will be doing.

Forgiveness

2009-09-09T09:44:00.005-05:00

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

For the last couple of months God has put a real burden on me to forgive and ask for forgiveness. It has been amazing how opportunities have presented themselves. I’m not saying it has been easy. You never know how someone may react, but it is better to take that chance than to never have tried at all. It isn't worth it to let anger and hurt feelings get in the way of friendships and our walk with God. I'm reading a book about prayer, and here are a couple of quotes from that book:

"We simply cannot hold on to anger and harbor unforgiveness in our hearts if we want God to answer our prayers."

"No matter how major or how minor an issue seems, we have to let it go. We do not wait until we feel like forgiving; we forgive by making an intentional choice, a willful decision to let a matter drop. When we do, we make a way for our prayers to be answered."

"Unforgiveness is probably the biggest hindrance to prayer. We simply must treat others as God treats us and extend forgiveness to everyone who offends us."

Blessed by blogs

2009-08-31T22:06:00.003-05:00

I have mentioned before how I have been blessed by blogs. There is a particular blog that I have kept up with for a while. It is written by a woman whose name happens to be Malinda too, and she has adopted a precious little girl. I have emailed with her, and she has been so encouraging. There have been times when I have thought "its never going to happen for us", then I would think of Malinda and her husband. They had to wait a long time too, and look what a precious gift they received. I always thought I would love to meet her some day. Well that someday happened Friday night. I was at the Beth Moore simulcast at Broadmoor Baptist Church in Madison, and there she was. At first I wondered if that was really her. She walked past me, and I said her name, but she must not have heard me. Then I saw her with someone I had seen on her blog so I knew it was her. It was all I could do to wait until the simulcast was over to speak to her. It was almost like meeting someone famous. I was so nervous walking up to her. When I approached her I said "Malinda?". You should have seen the look on her face. You talk about a deer in the head light look. I was afraid I had scared her to death. I explained to her that I read her blog and that we have emailed before. I was so amazed she knew who I was. It was nothing but a "God thing" that our paths crossed when they did. When I got home that night I decided to take one of the necklaces I made and give it to her for Sara Madalin, her little girl. Malinda posted on her blog today about our meeting, and she has a picture of Sara Madalin wearing the necklace. This was such a wonderful meeting, and it meant so much to me for her to blog about it. Please take a minute to check out her post for today.
http://agiftworththewait.blogspot.com/2009/08/lets-delight-ourselves-in-lord.html If you want an additional blessing, look up her adoption testimony and watch the video. Let me tell you now, you better go ahead and get a tissue. It is such a sweet video, and they were able to capture moments that most adoptive parents never get to see.

Keep on Praying

2009-08-26T09:47:00.003-05:00

Last month during the revival, I prayed telling God I want to make him first in my life. My hope of getting a baby has been first for a long time. In my mind I was giving it to God. Then Bro. Tony tells me that when I was saved he had a vision me and Eric up in front of the church with a baby. Well, that just brought it all back to the top again. I have really been struggling with how to handle this. In my mind if I give it to God, I am not to pray about it anymore. He has it and he is taking care of it. I feel like if I have given something to him, and I continue to pray for it, I haven’t fully given it to him. This may not be how we are supposed to view giving something to God, but that is just how I feel. My mama is the person I always go to with spiritual questions. I finally asked her about this Monday night, and she didn’t know how to answer the question of whether or not we are to keep praying for something if we have given it to God. I told her there is a scripture that I wanted to find. All I could think was that it said “keep on praying”. Tuesday she and I both were searching for this scripture. We found several that were similar, but not the one I was thinking of. Last night when I sat down with my bible, I just opened it and started reading, I turned the page, and there it was….Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 Then when I went to bed, the book I’m reading had a reference back to that same exact same scripture. An email was forwarded to me from someone who has a scripture at the bottom of her emails…Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
OK God, I hear you….KEEP ON PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!!

Part II

2009-07-12T22:09:00.004-05:00

When I was blogging last night, I felt the need to get up in front of the church to tell them about how everything happened, about putting God first, not the desire to have a baby. Bro Tony got up and said that when he stood up last night during the invitation and was speaking to the congregation about whoever needed to come down, he said he looked at me and knew it was me. He said that when I finally came down and was with our pastor, he said in his mind he saw me and Eric up front holding our baby for the baby dedication. When I called my mama to tell her about this, she asked me why I thought he didn't tell me this last night. I believe there is a reason, it needed to be public. My church family needed to hear this. It would not have the same affect if I told them this is what he said, they needed to hear it for themselves. That is why I felt that desire to tell them about me changing my priorities. I told y'all that Sue said my face popped into her mind when she was praying, but she also said that earlier she had prayed that whatever is keeping us from having a baby, that it be taken away. My prayer has been that our having a child would bring glory to God. I want is to be seen without a doubt. Y'all need to stay tuned, cause I have a feeling this is about to get interesting....

Delight yourself in the Lord

2009-07-12T00:38:00.004-05:00

I know some of you may think I have dropped off the face of the earth. It has been a while since I have had a post. To update you on my mom, she is doing good. She will not have to have treatments. What a blessing.
We are having our revival this weekend. Tonight during the invitation I went to the alter to pray. I was praying for God to make a change in my life. I told Him I want to make Him number 1 in my life. For so long, having a baby has been number 1 in my life. I told God that I wanted to make Him first, even if that meant not ever having children. I went back to my seat and the invitation went on. We had our closing prayer, and when the preacher went to the back of the church, a man told him he had something to say. He got up there and said he felt there was someone there who was lost and needed to get their life right with God. Bro. Tony spoke and said he was feeling the same thing, but the fact that that man came forward only confirmed his feelings. We sang a couple of verses of Just as I Am, and nobody came forward. They were about to close again, and one of our deacons came forward and said he really felt there was someone who needed to get right with God. He asked that we sing another verse. After two more verses, the person finally came forward, it was me! I had been standing back there fighting saying it isn't me, they aren't talking about me. I kept praying, God, if it is me, let me know. I can't explain it. I just felt like I was being pushed, and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. I have heard of others say they had been in church all of their lives, and they thought they were saved, but later in life they realized they weren't. Well, I am now one of those people. I thought I was saved, but the last several years, I have been putting wanting a child first in my life. After I prayed for God to be number one, even if it meant not having children, I was finally able to open my heart. After the service Sue came up to me to tell me that she was praying for whoever needed to come forward and my face popped into her mind. She said she just gasped when she looked up and I had come forward. The last two nights Bro. Tony has said, delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. I realized tonight that I had let the desires of my heart keep me from delighting myself in the Lord.

Update on my mom

2009-05-27T22:01:00.002-05:00

My mom had her mastectomy today. They think they got it all and wasn't in the lymph nodes. They will know for sure after they do more test, but so far it looks good. It was amazing how many people came to show their support and be with us while she had her surgery. She will be getting out of the hospital tomorrow, and she will be coming here to stay with us for a few days. Thanks for all your prayers.

May 19th

2009-05-20T08:55:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, May 19th would have been my grandfather’s 97th birthday. May 19th now has new significance; it is the day we found out my mama has breast cancer. This was a total shock. After her first biopsy they said it wasn’t cancer, but could become cancer. After they removed the mass last Friday they said they got it all. We thought that was going to be the end of it. She went in for her follow up yesterday, and received the news nobody wants to hear, cancer. Her options are a lumpectomy and radiation, or a mastectomy. She was in such shock yesterday, she couldn’t make a decision. Right now we don’t know what will be next. I will update when I know more. I’m sure this goes without saying, but please keep her in your prayers

Being Thankful

2009-04-15T09:37:00.001-05:00

I did something last night I have NEVER done before, I spoke at our ladies ministry group. I wanted to speak on being thankful, but I wasn’t sure exactly which direction I needed to go in. I used the concordance in my bible to look up scripture about being thankful. The first verse was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. I had thought of doing a group discussion , and the question I came up with relating to this verse was, “How can we be thankful during hard times”. The next verse I looked at was Colossians 3:15-17. I didn’t come up with a discussion question for this one. The next verse was Psalms 138:1 I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart; I will sing your praises before the gods. My discussion question for this verse was “when do you feel like you are giving thanks to God with all your heart”. I wasn’t sure where to go from there, so I went to a folder I have in my email that I save inspirational emails. I get daily verses from KLOVE, and if they mean something to me I will save them. The very first email I pull up is from KLOVE, and guess what verse it was???? 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Oh my gosh, I was shocked that this was the very first email I opened and it was the first verse I had written down. The next email I opened was an email that I received from a co-worker, and you’ll never believe the title of the email, “how to be thankful in tough times”. God just confirmed to me that this is what he wanted me to speak about. It is awesome when we get confirmation from Him. I was sharing how hard it is for me to be thankful now for not being able to have children. I should be thankful because this is God’s plan for my life. Once we get our baby it will be so much easier to be thankful, but I need to be thankful now. Several years ago I felt that God wasn’t going to give us our baby until we got right with Him. If we already had a baby, I wouldn’t be blogging , I wouldn’t have started our women’s group at church, I wouldn’t have spoken to that group last night, I wouldn’t be making jewelry and sharing with people about our journey and giving them my blog address to read our story. I have heard from people how they have been touched by my blog. So yes, I am thankful for not being able to have children and for this journey we are on. I’ll still have good days and bad days. I’ll still grieve the “loss” of my own child. But ultimately I have to remind myself that this if God’s plan for my life and He has his reasons for putting us on the path we are on. We may never understand why we have to go through the tough times God puts in our lives. As hard as it may be, we need to be thankful for those tough times, it is His plan for our lives. One day you may be able to look back and see his hand in a difficult situation and realize how blessed you were to have to go through what you went through. A project I had for the ladies was to write a thank you note to God for something difficult they are going through. I want them to be able to look back at that card once they have gotten though their difficult time. Sometimes we focus so much on the negative side of these situations, and we have to be reminded to look for the blessing. I am hoping the card will remind them to look for the blessing in their difficult time.

Our 10th Wedding Anniversary

2009-03-27T09:27:00.003-05:00

Today is our 10th wedding anniversary. I look back, and in some ways it has been a L O N G 10 years, in other ways it has flown by. We have been through a lot these last 10 years, especially dealing with infertility. I look at our wedding pictures and think, these two people had no idea what they were in for. We have had a lot of struggles, but the most important thing is that we have made it through it together. I love my husband, and I look forward to the next 10 years with him.

Making a Sacrifice

2009-02-25T18:29:00.006-06:00

This morning while I was getting ready for work I was listening to The Message on Sirius. It is a station that plays contemporary Christian music. A song came on that was talking about Jesus being a sacrifice. This isn't something new to me, but it got me thinking about making a sacrifice. Making a sacrifice is something I have never done before. I started thinking about what I could sacrifice. I decided to sacrifice TV. Instead of coming home and watching TV to unwind from my day like I normally do, I was going to read my bible instead. I know giving up TV for an hour or so in the afternoon to read the bible may not seem like a big deal, but I have not been faithful about reading my bible. I feel God is showing me that I can make time for Him, all I have to do is sacrifice a little of my time. When I got to work and pulled up my email, the daily scripture I received from KLOVE was:
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.
~ Philippians 2:13, NLT
I saw this as a God letting me know I didn't just think this up, He really wants me to do this. I spent about an hour this afternoon reading my bible instead of watching Reba or Friends like I normally do. Once I finished I got on the computer to check blogs. To my amazement, one of the blogs I check every day was talking about making a sacrifice. WOW!!!! Talk about an eye opener. The blog I read was //http://ourgrowingfamily02.blogspot.com/2009/02/ash-wednesday_25.html
It is so good when God shows you that what you were thinking wasn't just a random thought, it was from Him. He has really been working on me lately. I have done things I never would have thought I would do. If you would have told me a year ago that I would start a women's ministry group at my church, I would have said you were crazy. Well, we had our first meeting last Tuesday night. We named our group Sisters In Spirit, S.I.S. I certainly wouldn't have thought I would EVER be willing to lead some sort of lesson. Well, in April I plan to lead our lesson, and God has already been giving me things to do and say. (I know my mama just fell out of her chair when she read that) She has been praying for me for so long. It has been a long time coming, but I now have a much closer relationship with God. I have fought it for so long, but I am finally surrendering to Him.

Sneak peak

2009-02-01T13:23:00.004-06:00

I am going to be listing some of my jewelry on etsy.com. It is a site for things that are handmade. My friend Susan has been helping me by making pictures of some of my jewelry. Here is a sneak peak at some of the pictures...

Thanks Susan for all of your help!!! You are such a great friend!!!

Strike 3

2009-01-20T18:13:00.002-06:00

Last week we heard about another potential baby. It was one of those situations that a friend of a friend of a friend new someone who is giving their baby up. She had planned to just leave the baby at the hospital, but someone she knows is trying to help her find a family for her baby. An email was sent out requesting potential adoptive parent’s to call this person. I called and left my name and contact numbers. After waiting a couple of days and not hearing anything back, I called the number and the message said “If you are calling about an email that went out about a baby to adopt, the situation has been resolved”. As usual, I had gotten my hopes up. I tried really hard to not let it happen, but it did. I was upset, but I had so many people praying for us that it wasn’t as hard as it has been in the past when one didn’t work out.
I had sent the email home so that Eric could read it, and much to my surprise, he sent an email out to all of our church requesting prayer for us. I have to tell you, I was shocked when I received it. The following is the email Eric sent out:

Hey Everybody!!,
I really need your help!!
Melinda received this email today from From Tiffany( They have been communicating through their blogs). What I need from our church is LOVE.
Please Pray For this Situation. I need each of you to boldly approach his throne of grace in our behalf. If this is not the child we are to receive, please pray that he will give Melinda a peace about this situation. We love you guys and trust each of you with our spiritual growth. What we need right now is our church family to come together in one voice you guys know our heart in this situation and thank you more than you know.

Love ,
Eric

We received so many replies to this email with people praying for us. I can’t tell you how much it meant to us. I want to thank our church family for being there for us and for your continued prayers as we continue to search for our baby.

My arms are still empty

2009-01-11T18:05:00.006-06:00

Today I was thinking that I really need to blog, but I wasn't sure what to blog about. I was trying to think of a title and these were the words that came to mind, "my arms are still empty". I really believed we would have our baby before the holidays. I guess I just really wanted to have it before the holidays so bad that I just let myself believe it would happen. There is such a HUGE void in my life that will only be filled when I am able to hold our baby. Anyone who has dealt with infertility will understand this, and believe it or not, there are a lot of people out there who think we should be able to just shrug it off. Clearly they haven't had a situation where their absolute deepest desire has not been met. I know we can't all know what it is like to know what someone else is feeling, but we should all be able to at least show compassion.
I know there are a lot of people out there praying for Eric and me, and our baby. PLEASE continue to pray. We need it SO much!!!

A few pictures from Christmas 2008

2008-12-29T18:32:00.004-06:00

Hannah and Molly Christmas morning.

Our Christmas decorations

We got together with friends and went to the square in Canton. From left to right Marcus, Ashley, Me, Eric, Susan, & Brad. We had a great time that night.

We were being silly...

My two best friends...

Jewelry Party

2008-12-10T19:00:00.003-06:00

I had my first big jewelry party in my hometown on Monday night. Tammy, thank you so much for opening your home for the party. I also want to thank Eileen and Beth for being co-hostesses. It was good to see so many people I haven't seen in such a long time.

I think Tammy's cat is a diva at heart.....

My Babies

2008-12-04T19:52:00.006-06:00

I can't believe I have had a blog this long, and I haven't posted anything about my babies. Hannah, the short haired, is the mother to Molly, the long haired. For the majority of our marriage, Eric and I have worked different shifts. These dogs have been so much company to me during all those hours alone. Needless to say they are spoiled rotten.

Look what I found under my Christmas tree...

I just love this picture of Hannah, she is probably looking for a squirrel to chase

Pity party

2008-11-21T23:13:00.005-06:00

Tonight I have had myself a pity party. Things at work haven't been too good lately (we will just leave it at that), Eric and I have been arguing today, the jewelry sales haven't been what I had hoped they would be, so tonight I started gathering some of the beads I haven't made up and I am going to return them. I can't stand seeing a negative balance, and the sales that I have made haven't come close to paying for what I have purchased. I started making jewelry to help pay for the adoption, and seeing the business in the red is driving me crazy. While packing up the beads I started feeling sorry for myself. I started feeling like such a failure, and feeling like I was worthless. When I need someone to turn to I usually call my mama. She is so much more to me than just my mother. I guess being an only child brought us closer together since I didn't have any siblings to bond with. She is more like a sister to me than a mother. I had been on the phone with her for about 20 minutes and I came and sat down in front of the computer. I pulled up the email, and this is the email she had sent just minutes before I even called her:

Psalm 139:14 (NKJ) New King James
I will praise YOU for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Is it sometimes hard to feel good about yourself? Are you your own worst critic? With human criticism, are you constantly trying to transform yourself into a person who meets society's expectations but not GOD's expectations?
Have you ever wondered how GOD views your life? Do you worry that HE sees your flaws and mistakes and loves you less? Amazingly GOD knows you perfectly and loves you completely just the way you are. You are HIS masterpiece, HIS workmanship of grace and love. Do You have a hard time accepting that.
GOD determines your worth, you were created by GOD. It was GOD who gave your life value. It is GOD who gives you worth, and with out GOD, life has no value. Don't let others dictate your worth.See yourself as valuable because GOD does.

When you feel worthless and down yourself remember GOD made you and GOD doesn't make JUNK. So go look in the mirror and say...WOW I'm a child of the KING. THANK YOU JESUS.

I just had to share one more example of how God is working in my life. We may not be able to hear God with our ears, but if we listen, and lately with me it has been through blogs and emails, we will hear him and know he is speaking to us.

P.S. I am not giving up on the jewelry business. I think I may have gotten a little carried away with buying beads, and I have just decided to cut back my inventory of beads until I can make enough to get the business in the black. I sure do dread taking all of it back to the store. I am going to be one of those customers they hate to see coming.

Waiting

2008-11-20T09:32:00.004-06:00

I have read two blogs today that were talking about waiting. The following poem was in one of the blogs:

Days of Heaven upon Earth
Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!Till next steps made plain shall be;To hear, with the inner hearing,The Voice that will call for me.
Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!With hope that need not grow dim;The Master is pledged to guide me,And my eyes are unto Him.
Waiting! Expectantly waiting!Perhaps it may be today The Master will quickly open The gate to my future way.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!I know, though I've waited long,That, while He withholds His purpose,His waiting cannot be wrong.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!The Master will not be late:He knoweth that I am waiting For Him to unlatch the gate.--J. D. Smith

The verse that touched me the most in this poem is:
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!I know, though I've waited long,That, while He withholds His purpose,His waiting cannot be wrong.

Just knowing God has a reason for us to have to wait, does seem to make the waiting just a little bit easier. I recently read on another blog "God never wastes a hurt". My prayer is that through all of the pain and suffering we have been through, we will be able to touch someones life.

The second blog was Barbie's blog. You can click on the link to read her blog today. http://barbiebassett.blogspot.com/2008/11/when-you-cant-wait.html

It still amazes me how God is using blogs to speak to me. The waiting is getting harder and harder each day we get closer to the holidays. I am so ready to hold my baby I just can't hardly stand it. God has a wonderful plan to bring us together with the child he has made for us. Now all we have to do is......wait.

Clinton Holiday Market

2008-11-19T20:44:00.003-06:00

Last Saturday was the Clinton Holiday Market. My friend Susan and I had booths set up there. It was SO cold. I think if I had been selling hot chocolate that day, I would have made a fortune. We had a good time though. We even drug our husbands along. They were at least good for entertainment. My friend Susan sells dog clothes, coats, and collars. If you need something to keep your "best friend" warm this winter, she can hook you up. Just post a comment or send me an email, and I will have her get in contact with you.
Here are a couple of pictures from the day.....

Who knows what these two are looking at...
At this point we were tired, cold, and HUNGRY...

Fighting doubt

2008-11-12T08:20:00.008-06:00

Boy the devil has been at working on me this week. We had such a blessing over the weekend, but the devil can't stand for us to be happy and filled with the holy spirit. He has been putting doubt in my head these last few days. Saturday night when everyone else was being prayed for, I was praying so hard for them to do the same for me and Eric. I know we all lost track of time that night, but I would say that it was at least 45 minutes to an hour before Eric and I were called up to be prayed for. I know in my heart that God laid it on Rosie's heart to have us prayed for, but the devil is trying to make me believe it was just coincidence, that it wasn't God. I heard from Connie with the adoption ministry yesterday, and she said that so far everyone has changed their mind about adoption or they want help but don't want to consider adoption. They are keeping their babies because it means more money for them from the government. That just infuriates me. They are not keeping the babies to love them, nurture them, and watch them grow. They are keeping them for the money. What kind of life is that child going to have when all they mean to their mother is a pay check? You see, things like that just bring me doubt. I feel like I am being pulled in two different directions. My heart is telling me to trust God and he is going to provide us with a family, my head (the devil) is telling me it isn't ever going to happen. I was so fired up Saturday night and Sunday, but the devil wants to bring me down. I am fighting so hard to not let him do that. I need to stay strong in my belief that God is in control and he is going to bring us our baby. The closer it gets to the holidays, the harder it is for me to be patient. Everyone knows what a joy children bring to the holidays. Well for anyone dealing with infertility, it just reminds you of the void in your life each time the holidays roll around. The holidays have been one of the hardest times of the year for me. It was Christmas time last year when we decided we were ready to adopt. I have wanted and prayed for us to have our baby by the holidays this year, but with each passing day, the closer the holidays get, I start to have more and more doubt. Everyone says it will happen in God's time. I do believe that, but when you are hungry and feeling like you are going to starve to death, does it make your hunger any less if someone tells you you can't eat yet because it isn't time to eat, but we will give you something when the time is right??? I know in my heart God is going to provide, he was showing me that on Saturday night, so why am I feeling this way now? The devil. When we get on fire for God, the devil will do whatever he can to put our fire out.
God has put the word hope in front of me several times this week. The agency we are using is The Village of Hope. Someone gave me a copy of an article in November's Homelife which is about adoption. They mention Steven Curtis Chapman's organization called Shaohanna's Hope. I receive daily emailed verses from KLOVE, and this week they are about hope. God is trying to tell my that my hope is with Him. I have to trust Him. These are the verses I have received this week:
And so, Lord, where do I put my Hope? My only hope is in you. Psalm 39:7
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise. Hebrews 10:23
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Revival

2008-11-08T23:09:00.008-06:00

We are having our revival at church this weekend. Bro. Tony Byrd is AWESOME!!! During the invitation I went to the alter to pray for our adoption. While I was up there, Bro. Tony's wife came up there and asked if she could pray for me. She asked if I had a special need and I told her we are trying to adopt. After she prayed for us she told our pastor she had something she needed to say. She said that God had laid it on her heart that someone there was struggling because they couldn't have a baby. She said that it took 7 years for them to have their first child. It was seven years after that that they had their second, and 21 months later they had their third. Now do your math and 21 divided by 3 is..... 7. Isn't that amazing. She went on to say that their oldest son had at one time strayed away from God. But I've got to tell y'all, I have NEVER seen a young person so on fire for God. It was amazing to see God working. Our preacher started talking about his son and how he wants him to be saved. They laid hands on Bro. Jack and his wife Rosie. Then they laid hands on Vic and Janice praying for Mikal. Then they prayed for Rosie's nephew. Now I know I'm going to sound SO selfish when I say this, but I was so disappointed that they didn't lay hands on me and Eric. I sat there praying for someone to request they pray for us. Now let me back up here for a minute. This is the first church I have been in that when someone has a need, they will call them upfront to lay hands on them and pray for them. Before Eric and I decided to adopt, and I was still hoping for us to have our own child, I had really wanted God to lay it on the preacher's heart to call us up and pray for us, but it never happened. After we decided to adopt, I had wanted them to pray for us. God wasn't ready for that to happen, well tonight it finally happened. I just new it was about to be over and we had not been prayed for. Rosie stood up and said that she wanted them to pray for me and Eric. I can't tell y'all what that meant to me. God answered my prayer. After waiting so long for a baby, I have had my doubts that it will ever happen. Well tonight I can say that without a doubt I know we are going to have a baby. I have prayed for our adoption to be a testament to God. I want people to be able to see that without a shadow of a doubt, it was God, and I want the glory to go to Him. For those of you who have had God speak to you, isn't it awesome???? Our church started at 6:30 tonight, and we didn't get out until 10:00. God is at work, but the devil is working too. Bro Tony said that before he started preaching his throat was hurting so bad, but once he got started preaching, the pain went away. He knew something amazing was going to happen. You could just feel the presence of God. Now as I am typing this, the devil does not want me to do tell of the events of tonight. Eric and I are tired and arguing. He keeps making noises and asking questions, and I keep asking him to hush. I am having problems concentrating, but I am typing anyway. So if any of this doesn't make sense, we'll blame it on the devil. I just can't express in words what I am feeling tonight. I feel like I have had a heavy, heavy burden lifted. I have doubted whether or not I will ever be a mom. Well tonight God has let me know that one day someone is going to call me mama.

What a beautiful day for a flea market

2008-10-21T21:17:00.003-05:00

Thank you to everyone who prayed for beautiful weather on the day of the flea market. The weather was perfect!!! I want to say a special thank you to my Aunt Margaret and Uncle Tony for letting Eric and me stay with them the night before the flea market. I am so glad to have my first flea market behind me. I was a nervous wreck, and I drove Eric crazy. This was definitely a learning experience. Eric got a lot of compliments on the frames he made to hang the earrings on. I think he was quite proud of himself. At one point he told me that he thought we were getting more compliments on the frames than the jewelry. OK, now that was a bit much. Don't you think???? Here are a few pics of my booth.....

That is my Uncle Tony behind the booth

Jewelry

2008-10-08T19:08:00.008-05:00

I had originally started this blog to post updates on my jewelry business, Blessed Creations, hence the name of the blog, blessedcreationsbymb. However, as you can see, I have yet to post any of it. I got a little side tracked posting about the adoption, and how God has been opening my eyes. Please pray for this business. The whole purpose of it is to earn extra money to pay for the adoption. I have sold a few things to people at work and at church, but hopefully things will really get kicked off this month. I will have a booth set up at the Wesson flea market on October 18th. I'm kind of nervous about this, because I haven't ever done anything like this before. Please pray for beautiful weather on the 18th. I will also be having a home show on October 28. Everyone is invited to come. If you would like to come, please contact me for details. Here are a few examples of what I am making:

The Ups and Downs of Adoption

2008-09-26T08:49:00.006-05:00

These last few days have been rough. Wednesday a lady called me to tell me that someone had just approached her asking if she new a good couple wanting to adopt. She had just learned at her bible study last week that Eric and I are wanting to adopt. She immediately thought of us. There is a teenager in Memphis who is giving her baby boy up for adoption, and he is due next week. There was a couple who was supposed to adopt this baby, but she just found out she has cancer. I just cannot imagine what she must be going through. To get to the point of just waiting for your baby to be born, only to find out you can't take it because you have cancer. Please pray for this couple. I have been waiting since Wednesday to hear something. To say the least it has been very nerve racking waiting on a phone call that never comes. Today I received an email from the lady who had contacted me, she said that they have already found a couple to adopt the baby. As much as I try not to get my hopes up, how can you help but not get them up??? We have waited so long, it sometimes seems like we will be waiting forever. Then to think the wait might be over next week! I have been fighting back the tears, and then I read yet another blog that helps me to get my emotions back in order. This is the blog I read: http://ourgrowingfamily02.blogspot.com/2008/09/glorious-holden.html Now you tell me God wasn't speaking to me through this blog. God knows what we need to hear, when we need to hear it.

Friends

2008-09-23T15:29:00.002-05:00

Today I heard from two friends I used to work with. I haven't talked to them in way over a year. Misty and Heather, it was so good to hear from y'all today. I can't tell y'all how it made my day. I am posting this to remind everyone to keep in touch with the people who mean something to you. If you have a friend you haven't spoken to in a long time, contact them now. Especially if you have had them on your mind lately. That may be God's way of telling you that you need to contact them. You never know what they may be going through and how just hearing from you will make a difference in their day. I know time gets away from us, and we are all so busy these days, but we need to make a special effort to keep in touch with and get together with our friends. You never know what tomorrow may bring...

Just playing around

2008-09-19T21:51:00.004-05:00

I am just playing around with adding pictures to my blog......

little fish.......

BIG FISH.......

Sorry baby, I just couldn't resist.

How God uses blogs

2008-09-19T20:41:00.004-05:00

I am wanting to stress the significance and importance of the blog I read that helped change my life. I mentioned it in my first blog, but I feel the need to elaborate a little. Barbie said exactly what I needed to hear, at the exact time I needed to hear it. I had to get to such a low point in order for her words to open my eyes to what I was doing. It was exactly like she said, I had taken my eyes off the Father, and I was mince meat for Satan. I could have read those exact words, but they would not have affected me the same way if I had not just realized that things weren't going to work out with that baby, and been so depressed about it. If things hadn't happened the way they did I never would have emailed her, and she wouldn't have been able to get us in touch with the people who will make our dreams of becoming parents come true. As important as it is to me to become a mother, the best part about this whole thing is that my eyes were opened to God. For the first time in a very long time, I was able to see God working in my life.
Recently I stumbled across another blog. Let me just say this, God had to have wanted me to see this blog because I came across it by accident, then the next day I tried going back to it the same way I had originally found it, I finally stopped after over 2000 blogs. After going through all of that, I finally figured out how to do a search for blogs and found it. I think I need blogs for dummys. This one is also listed under my blogs, blessed beyond measure. It was so awesome to read a couples walk through the adoption process. Reading this blog made the whole process seem more real to me. It is hard for me to explain, but after wanting a baby for so long, I have lost touch with what it will be like to actually have one. It is like I have had this goal for so long, I have forgotten what it will be like when the goal if finally reached. I know you may not understand this, but reading this blog just opened my eyes to what it will be like. God used this blog to remind me that our day is coming. The whole thing seemed more real to me after reading this blog.
You never know how God is going to speak to you. It may even be through a blog.

My first blog

2008-09-18T08:50:00.006-05:00

This is my first attempt at blogging, so hopefully this will turn out ok. Let me warn you now, this is going to be long. You may want to go ahead and take a potty break & get a snack before you get started. Ha!
I would like to start off by telling you a little bit about what Eric and I have been through over the last several years while dealing with infertility. We found out about 7 years ago that we aren’t able to have children on our own. This was a detrimental thing to me. Hearing this is like hearing about someone dying. Your hope of having your own child just died. I know there were times Eric wanted to just ship me off to the looney bin. I would have days that I couldn’t go to work, or would have to leave work, because I just couldn’t quit crying. Eric and I were not involved in church, and I didn’t try to find comfort in God, I was finding myself blaming God. I became very angry with God. I just couldn’t understand why God would do this to us. Why would he give children to people who don’t even want or need them??? Years went on and I was talking to my boss one day. She had problems getting pregnant. She said at one point her mom and told her to pray that if it wasn’t God’s plan for her to have a child, then change the desire of her heart. I prayed that prayer and sure enough, my desire changed. I didn’t want kids for a while. I was scared of the way the world is going now, what will it be like in several years when my kids would be growing up. Eric and I finally did start going to church and we found a wonderful church. We couldn’t ask for a better church family. I eventually started believing that God was going to give us a child. I just knew we were going to have a baby, it was going to be a girl, and I wanted to name her Faith. Because without “faith” we wouldn’t have had her. It was really hard to have these old desires back and nothing was happening. Last December, December 2007, Eric and I were talking on the phone while he was driving home from hunting. I told him I was tired of feeling this way and I am ready to look into adoption. I think he was just waiting on me to get ready. We waited until after the holidays to get started. I was talking to people who I knew had adopted, trying to figure our what direction we would want to take. I talked to someone who had just adopted from Guatemala. I contacted the agency they used and we went to a seminar. Guatemala had just put a hold on taking new applications, but the lady with the agency said they thought Guatemala would get started again in June or July. She even said we would probably be making our first trip to see our baby by the end of the year. I called to check in with them in March and was told it was looking like it would be October or November. Then in June I called and was just told it would be some time next year. In mid July a guy from work came to me and told me that his wife knows someone who is giving a child up for adoption. He gave me his wife’s number and I called her. She said this girl has already given up 3 children for adoption. She was so encouraging and said she would talk to the birth mother. I waited two weeks and finally called her back. She said that she hadn’t spoken to the birth mother, but she had talked to her parents. She said they were happy to find potential adoptive parents for the baby. She told me she feels really good about this. Anyone in this situation, just a little bit of encouraging and you are totally excited. I was thinking this would be it. I waited a few more weeks and called her back. She still hadn’t spoken with the birth mother. This time she seemed to be pushing me in another direction. She didn’t come out and say this wasn’t going to work out, but she was asking if we have any other options or have we looked in to in-vetro. I just knew then that this wasn’t it. I know we had not gotten a lot of information about this situation, but I had gotten my hopes up. Here I was crushed again. I was getting mad at God all over again. Why would he allow us to go through this? At this point I had started making jewelry to help pay for the adoption. I had wanted a name for my business that would go with a bible verse. I named it Blessed Creations. The verse is, God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. Matthew 5:8 I thought that this name had double meaning because when we get our baby, it will be our "blessed creation". Well, here I was mad at God and I did not want to keep that name for my jewelry business, and for that matter, I didn’t even want to make the jewelry anymore. I went home that Tuesday all depressed. I made it to work on Wednesday, but I was there physically, not mentally. I would be sitting at my desk and just start crying. Barbie Bassett has a blog where she posts her forecasts and faith. For any of you not from around here, she is a meteorologist. I had not read the blog on Tuesday. When I read it on Wednesday, it was like it was meant for me. This is the blog I read: http://barbiebassett.blogspot.com/2008/08/its-all-in-eyes.html She was talking about Daniel in the lions den. She made the comment, “If we take our eyes off the Father when troubles arise, we will be mince meat for Satan”. That is exactly what I was doing. Satan was having a field day with my emotions. I read on down and she was talking about someone telling her she needed to quit preaching on her blog. Because someone had told her that, I wanted to be sure and let her know she is truly helping people. I emailed her and told her briefly what we had been through and how her blog saved me, literally. She saved me from going back into depression and she saved me from turning my back on God, again. When she replied to me she told me she is on the board for The Christmas Village, which is a home for unwed mothers. She gave me the name and email address of a contact person. Well, come to find out they are in the process of starting an adoption agency. They should be getting their license in the next few weeks. Eric and I met with Buddy and Connie last Thursday. We had a wonderful meeting with them and we learned a lot. We had to turn in a written testimony, and a profile, which is like a scrapbook about us. They will show our profile to birth mothers and they will decide whether or not they want to meet us. Right now we are just waiting. Once we have a birth mother, we will then do the home study and background check. Oh, and I have left out one of the best parts, the cost. Most adoptions start at around $20,000.00. If we had gone to Guatemala it would have been between $30,000.00 and $40,000.00. I had wondered how we would pay for it, but I never worried about it. I just felt that God would take care of it for us. Well, to adopt with The Village of Hope, it will be around $5,000.00. I just know with out a doubt that God has led us to where we are now. It is amazing for me to be able to see God working in our lives. It has been a long time since I have been in a place spiritually that I can step back and see the things he is doing for me. I warned you this was going to be long. I hope I didn’t bore you to death. It is hard to portray in words what is was like emotionally to live these last several years, but I just wanted to try to tell what we have been through to get us to where we are now.