Adoption Day!

Today was Brody's adoption day. We are now "legally" a family. I am so proud to forever be his mama. I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life trying to be the best mama I can possible be to this precious little boy.
This was Brody today right after we came out of court.

This Time Last Year

I keep finding myself looking back on where I was in my life this time last year. This time last year I was working on getting our profile put together for Lifetime Adoptions. It is a very hard process putting a profile together, especially when you have a husband who HATES taking pictures. You are trying to put into writing and pictures why you would be good parents to raise someone’s child. You just hope you put something in there that makes someone connect to you. Well, here we are 1 year later, and I’m working on a new profile to include Brody. When we got Brody, we put our account on hold with Lifetime, and the hold will be up the end of March.
This time last year our lives were so empty. There is a picture in our office of all the staff taken the day before we got Brody. Every time I look at that picture, I just look at myself and think how at that moment I had no idea how my life was going to change the next day. Becoming Brody’s mama is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love that little boy more than I could have ever imagined. Even after almost 9 months, I still look at him and can’t believe he is my son. There were so many times that I thought becoming a mama would never happen for me. I am so thankful for God giving me such a precious gift.



Brody on his 2nd birthday.

OK God, I'm Finally Listening

You would think that once I finally have a child, I would be posting about him all the time. Well, everytime I think about blogging, I know there is a something I am supposed to post about, and I just don't want to do it. It is very personal feelings, but I feel that God is wanting me to share this. So, I hope it touches the right person.
When the adoption in April fell apart, I became VERY bitter. I don't know how other people could stand me, because I couldn't even stand myself. I withdrew from everyone, even God. I didn't want to see or speak to anyone, including Him. I was holding onto that bitterness so strong that when we got Brody, I found it hard to let go and accept the gift that God was giving me. When Brody was brought to us, I was told that he mainly went to men. That first night I was only able to hold him for about 5 minutes, but every man who was here that night was able to hold him. Brody and I have had our issues of him pushing me away. Even now he wants his daddy to put him down, and he will even push me away sometimes when giving him a bath. I have yet to get to hold him during church. He may come to me for a second, but he is right back with his daddy. I want him to want me just as much as I want him. It hurts me so bad when he will literally push on me and cry for his daddy. I know he loves me, because he doesn't always do this, but for some reason, he will still push me away sometimes. It hit me like a ton of bricks one day, that is how God must feel when I am pushing Him away. He is wanting me to cling to him, all the while I am pushing him away. I have thought for so long that once I become a mother, my life is going to be perfect because that is the one thing I am missing. I was wrong. I have pushed God away, and my life isn't the same without Him. I know God has wanted me to write this for a long time. As much as I have tried, I just couldn't get my relationship right with Him. Even as I am typing this, I am feeling a weight lifting. Until I obeyed Him, things just weren't going to be the same as they were before I became so bitter. No matter what it is in this life that we think will make us complete, including a child, we will never be complete without God in our lives. I pray that whoever is supposed to read this will be helped by this. If I can be of any help to someone, you may just need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me at melindab399@gmail.com.

Pumpkin Patch

Eric and I took Brody to a pumpkin patch this weekend. They have a hay ride out to the pumpkins, and along the way they stop to feed some of their animals. I am so thankful God has blessed us with this little boy. It is so wonderful to be able to experience all these new things with him.

The Sounds In My House

I am lovin' the sounds in my house. Today I was listening to Brody fuss because he wasn't getting his way with his daddy. Then later he was fussing while his daddy gave him a bath. Even the sounds of him fussing can be sweet. I am just so thankful to have the sounds of a child in my house. We have waiting so long for this. I love the sound of his laugh the most. His laugh has changed recently to a laugh that just sounds like it is coming all the way from his gut. I love the sound of his bare feet running across the floor. I love his jabber. He has one jabber that he does a lot, daba daba daaaa. It sounds so sweet when he whispers it. He has really started talking more. Every day he is saying new words. Even if he doesn't speak the words, he is doing better about knowing the difference in shaking his head yes or no. It had mainly been that he would always shake it no. He is good about letting me know when he has messed up his diaper. I can ask him did he T T, and he will shake his head yes. I will ask if he is ready to have his diaper changed, and he will shake his head yes. Yesterday he even patted his belly to get me to come on to change his diaper. He is a big helper feeding the dogs. He does not like for their food bowl to be empty. He will bring me their bowl and once I fill it he will put it back for them. Molly is loving that. He wants to be such a helper. I hope that will last when he gets bigger, but I doubt it will. If he spills something, I can give him a rag, and he will wipe it up. When I ask him to, he will help me put his toys in his toy box.
This Tuesday we will have had him with us for 4 months. I think back to 4 months ago, and I had no idea how my life was about to change. I was still grieving the loss of an adoption that didn't go through in April, not knowing God was about to bless us with Brody. He has been the perfect addition to our family.

Still Hard to Believe

Even after almost 4 months, it is still hard for me to believe I am a mama. I still just look at him and find it hard to believe that all those years of pain and longing for a child are finally over. He is absolutely wonderful! I am constantly amazed at the things he will do. He is such a smart little thing. He has come such a long way with us. All those insecurities I felt for the first several weeks are finally gone. It took a while, but he has now bonded to me and it just makes my heart melt when he calls me mama. We are so lucky to have been blessed with such a wonderful child.

2 Months

It is hard to believe it has already been two months since Brody came to be part of our family. Today I was outside playing ball with him, and I looked at him and still find it hard he is my son running around playing in the yard. I am so glad we are finally parents. It has been a long hard journey to get to this point. When I sat down to type, he crawled up in my lap. He has now fallen asleep, curled up against me. These are the most precious moments to me. I posted a while back about my arms being empty, well it feels so good at this very moment to have my arms full.